Monday, May 24, 2010

Dealing with Birthday Depression and Birthday Sadness: An Update


Do you get depressed or sad on your birthday? Almost a year ago I wrote a blog entry on birthday depression. This entry has easily had the most hits and comments of all of my posts, suggesting that birthday depression is a huge issue for many and one that is rarely acknowledged.

If you’ve found this blog by googling ‘birthday’ or ‘pre-birthday depression’, please read this earlier entry first. It’s about feelings of depression that can emerge both before a birthday and on the actual day. These feelings can be powerful and debilitating.

Those commenting on the entry were wonderfully honest about their experiences and helped me clarify some of my thoughts about this issue. A year later, I felt compelled to write an update to expand on my ideas about this feeling and describe the emotional landscape on my birthday a year after writing the first entry. Thanks to all the commenters – the brief summing up below has benefited from your shared experiences.

Why do I feel sad on my birthday?

There are many things going on when a birthday comes round:
  • The work and stress involved in planning a celebration
  •  the desire to have a good day
  • the need to feel significant and to be acknowledged by loved ones
  • grief at dreams that haven’t come true
  • childhood memories of happy or unhappy birthdays (not necessarily conscious)
  • general dissatisfaction with life
  • for those who have children, the desire to model happiness on the day.
But there is often a huge gulf between the expectations of feeling good and the circumstances of the birthday itself. You may also find yourself dealing with underlying feelings of grief and  low self-esteem.

As if that's not enough, many of us  feel compelled to berate ourselves for feeling bad. After all, this is our special day and we should be enjoying it - shouldn't we?

No wonder, then, that it's hard to get a handle on what birthday depression actually consists of. It can feel mysterious and inaccessible, as if a well of grief were closed up somewhere in the psyche that can't be experienced directly.

Some suggestions

Because depression is a catch-all term that can mean different things, I’m reluctant to give advice about it. The positive feedback I’ve had about the last entry was because it didn’t try to help people avoid the depression, but just described the feeling from my perspective. So I’ve decided instead to simply include some suggestions for coping. Please bear in the mind that not all of the following may apply to you – as the 12-steppers say, take what you like and leave the rest.

  • Don’t fight birthday and pre-birthday depression. Expect it, treat yourself gently when it comes, and be aware that it does pass.
  • Keep bringing yourself back to the present. Be aware of your body in space, your breathing and the things around you. If you feel like crying, do.
  • Plan some treats for yourself - buy yourself little presents and give yourself favourite experiences.
  • If you’re planning celebrations and you’re feeling very down, try to make them on a scale that you feel comfortable with. You can always see friends separately rather than together, and spread birthday meetings over a few days or a week.
  • If you're feeling really anti-social, don't feel you have to spend the day with others. If you do spend time alone, do something you enjoy or treat yourself in some way.
  • Know that grieving and sadness have their own timetable, and can’t be rushed.
  • If you are feeling significant distress, share it with someone else who you can count on to be understanding, or get help.
  • Notice any small ‘gifts’ that come your way from the world. This doesn’t mean being endlessly positive or trying to make yourself feel grateful. But through the sadness it may be possible to see the bits of the birthday that are good, even if these are small or unexpected. (Sometimes the sadness can make these things stand out more.)
My experiences of birthday depression a year later

I didn’t really get full-on birthday depression this year, which was surprising because I fully expected to. Instead I got angry in the week before my birthday, while on the day before, and the day itself, I could feel a low-level negativity and annoyance, like a bad taste in my mouth that wouldn’t go away.

Depression is a catch-all word for a huge range of emotions and conditions. I’m not sure why I didn’t get significantly depressed, but I’m wondering whether the depression that swamped me last year, and to a lesser extent in previous years, was really a kind of grief. Perhaps I have been grieving for a lost life and now the grieving, while strictly it won’t ever end completely, is at a much lower level.

The anger before my birthday expressed my continuing dissatisfaction with my life today. This tends to wax and wane, but while the energy of anger can be freeing, it did get a bit self-destructive and over-the-top before it simmered down.

I did notice a couple of things about my birthday this year that clearly contributed to the negative feelings. I’ll detail them below, but I suspect that the nature of birthday depression is that it’s very individual, focusing on whatever circumstances are present for the sufferer.

Why I felt down this year – the main suspects

One thing I noticed is how much time it takes to organise a birthday. (And this is someone who doesn’t have to organise a huge party or any large gathering, and has flexible working hours!) I do have to buy my main present (from my parents) and arrange family get-togethers, but this year at least there were virtually no food or cleaning preparations. Yet the birthday still took significant time and energy to plan. I think this is one reason for the negative feelings: my birthday sucks up time and energy when I'd rather be ignoring it altogether.

This in turn brings up feelings of doubt and anxiety about whether I'm deserving of this kind of time and attention, and whether other family members believe that I am.

And this question relates to something else I noticed about this year's birthday – that family members stuck to their usual roles rather than trying to be nice.

Too often in the past I’ve used this blog as a flogging post for unsuspecting family members so I won’t do that here (well, perhaps only a tiny bit). Although I’d deliberately lowered my expectations this year, I still hoped that a couple of ‘recalcitrant’ family members in particular would make a ‘special effort’. Instead, the usual sabotaging non-verbal messages prevailed. And while I wasn’t exactly depressed about this, it fed the sense that I wouldn’t be sad when the birthday was over.

And of course there was the age thing – turning 47.  It’s not so much about looking older, although I’ve feared that in the past, and no doubt will again – it’s about the knowledge that although I haven’t lived much of my life, or barely begun to realise my potential, mother nature and the ageing process are not going to make an exception for me.

The ‘end’ is drawing closer, inexorably – the numbers don’t lie. And yet I’m just beginning to understand the nature of the health issues, mental and physical, that are holding me back. Plus, even though my understanding is growing, these factors are still significantly restricting my life. What I’m getting at is that age itself is a ‘health issue’, and I fear that I’ll never sort the other issues out before age takes over everything!

Anyway, my birthday is over for another year and there is a huge sense of relief in returning to ‘normality’, or my version of it, once more. (Plus, I did get some wonderful cards and gifts that will result in a low-level spending spree at an anonymous but obscenely large shopping mall in a south-eastern suburb of Melbourne.) I wish everyone well who is going through this.

Please note: birthday depression is another term for birthday sadness. If you are having suicidal thoughts or think you may have clinical depression, please speak to your doctor or a family member, or ring one of the numbers listed here. Please reach out and seek help if you need to.

Would you like to share your story of birthday depression? Head over to the Birthday Depression website and share your story with others experiencing the same thing.

If you'd like to know more about birthday depression, I've written an ebook about it, also available through the website.

For a short time if you share your story I'll send you a mobi file of the book for free. 

78 comments:

  1. Hello Catherine,

    an unknown person left a message on my blog this morning which lifted my spirits. It has encouraged me to comment here. I hope that your low spirits have lifted and that you are coping satisfactorily with the chills and dreary weather of winter. I enjoy reading your thought-provoking blogs. Please keep them up.

    Kind regards,
    Gaye

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    2. When I eventually found testimonies about this spell caster Dr.Okika, how he helped many people to get their lover back, i contacted him through his email address OKIKASPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM because I was absolutely desperate to get my husband back. Life without my husband was a real mess for me and my children. i wanted a dramatic change and I thought magic could be the solution. After discussing the resolution with dr.Okika, he gave me hope that he will restore my marriage. I felt confident that he will actually make my husband to return home and he did! It’s fantastic what Dr. Okika have done for me. his help is priceless! I don't know what I would have done without dr okika, dr okika does his job so well he is organized and highly functional, i believe he is the best spell caster i can count on when it comes to love spell, I was floored that his spells worked, if you need help, call him at +2348134367919 or Email (OKIKASPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM or OKIKASPELLTEMPLE@YAHOO.COM)

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. Hi Gaye,

    Thanks for your kind words. I've missed writing my blog lately. It's been a busy time with a few things happening that I'm looking forward to writing about, but I don't have a 'blog voice' for them yet. It's annoying, because I want the blog to be an outlet - but I can see a rush of entries sometime soon!

    Cheers
    Catherine

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  4. Hello, I am glad that I am not so alone on my birthday today. Today is my birthday! and I am sad. Do not understand why this day is so emotional as I am getting older. At 51, and the youngest of 9 siblings, no one even call. I have no husband nor kids, and I felt my life was useless. There is no meaning.

    Today, I can only pray for my mother and father, I lit a candle and said a prayer for them- and ask them to watch over me. I am quiet today, took the phone off the hook, because leaving it on - will be more sad to know - no one call me nor send me a card - they used to but stop.

    It is a sad day,but I hope to get thru it. It is only 8:11 Am.

    God bless.
    Meela.

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  5. Thanks Catherine- reading your stories made me feel that I am not alone.

    Thanks.
    meela

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  6. Hi Meela,

    thanks for writing. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. From my experience feeling lonely on your birthday is harder than on other days - it seems to be a time of taking stock, whether we like it or not.

    Like you, the power of the emotions I sometimes feel on my birthday is unexpected sometimes. It can be hard to understand why the feelings are so strong.

    Hope you can connect with your family on another day, and that you got through it okay.

    All the best

    Catherine

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  7. Your writing is extremely compelling and I have to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this post. Although very late...sending you love for your birthday. Hope this isn't weird since I am a complete random stranger. It's just that I felt like crying on my birthday early dinner today. Felt detatched from my body as the 'celebration' went on....felt like bursting into tears and totally insignificant....didn't feel special in anyway and everyone treated it just like any other dinner which hurt. the younger members of the family even showed boredom and indicated they couldn't wait to leave. I just felt heart broken because I guess my expectation were too high. I would do anything for them...but it feels like I mean nothing to them. I felt like if I disappeared no one would notice. I especially felt the absence of my dad and my cousin who have passed away. I just wanted them to show they really cared and with those high expectations I was disappointed. being unemployed and turning a milestone age of 40 made it worse.

    about to turn 4o year old woman

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  8. Hi Anonymous,

    Thanks for commenting. Sorry to hear about your experience. It's heartbreaking when rellies turn up to a celebration but treat us badly - I've sometimes thought in the past it might be better if they didn't turn up at all!

    When the family act in this way, for me it brings up feelings of unworthiness that stem from past experiences within the family - it's a bit of a double whammy, having to cope with the behaviour on the day, as well as the deeper feelings that are revived by that behaviour.

    Sincerely hope you are able to get some perspective on the experience and make whatever decisions are right for you re dealing with the family at this time!

    Cheers
    Catherine

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  9. My birthday is 5 days from now, and I really feel like crying for minimum reasons. As I am at work, I can´t really break myself into tears. On the other hand, the simple fact of writting this down is helping me. When I give it a little thinking I guess the main reason why I always get upset in my birhtday is because of girl friends. At least in Brazil, man have a very strong comitment to other male friends, and women don´t. You expect them to go and some just don´t show up, others give a bad excuse and other go but don´t really give you the attention you are expecting. Well, I think my pre birthday depression would get much better if I found new and better girlfriends...

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  10. Dysthmia is the clinical word to describe the feeling.
    Depression is a more lasting,more deeper state of suffering and not as easy to get out of...
    We need to embrace life and the connectivity to people and things we love.
    These things are truly Devine gifts to experience and share.

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  11. I'm turning 32 next week, and like every year, I'm depressed. Growing up, birthdays were usually small events with just the family, so I never really expected parties or big celebrations.

    On my 18th birthday I had a huge fight with my best friend which ended our friendship. Since then, I've had this feeling of dread that something bad will happen as the day approaches each year. I too, think about what I thought I would be like by now and am not...what I thought I would have accomplished and haven't. The past 3 years I've refused to do anything to celebrate because I thought I might cry through it. This year I was going to do something but I waited too long to make plans and now my friends are all busy. My Dad passed away a few months ago and going to see my mom is depressing, so I will be alone. I can't wait for next week to be over.

    Thank you for posting this. It's really helpful to know I'm not the only one who cries on their birthday...and feels guilty about it...

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  12. Hi Anonymous,

    thanks for your post - it sounds like many things have combined to make your birthday a challenging time. Hope you get through it okay in a way that's right for you.

    Cheers
    Catherine

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  13. Interesting to see that so many people suffer from the birthday blues...I'm sorry for it really, but at least I have some company!

    Birthdays remind me of my birth mother who gave me away like an unwanted, stray dog, my birth father who was clueless, my adoptive father who was stone cold, my adoptive mother who couldn't accept me for the person I am. My "terrific" friends and relatives who can't be bothered to send even a Facebook "hello and happy birthday" even though I remember their birthdays. My "friend" at who's house I got up early today to go to and spent 5 hours working on her floor ON MY BIRTHDAY. It reminds me of old boyfriends to whom the acknowledgement of birthdays was an unimportant social affectation in which they didn't take part. Other people's birthdays, that is.

    Think I need to get some different friends.

    Well, the one good thing is that the day's almost over. Thanks for providing a place for me to vent.

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  14. It's my birthday today.. I am the eldest of 4 and none of my siblings acknowledge my birthday. Which I always make a big deal about there's. I hate the getting older thing mostly from the age I was 18 I wanted to be older and looked it so told everyone I was 26 this lasted for 10years until I was 30.. I haven't been happy about it since. I think I'm most annoyed I never ever get a present that I actually like which is frustrating as I don't think I am hard to buy for... Anyway sorry to hear so many people do it tough on b day... Happy b day anyway. ... For me I'm going to just work and ignore all calls ..I'm a b day Scrooge lol

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  15. hi.. i never knew many suffers from depression on their birthday. Glad to know i'm not alone. My birthday is tomorrow and life's a little shitty right now. i wish things were different and simple.

    hope i could make it through tomorrow without crying.

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  16. Thanks for checking in - hope it goes okay.

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  18. I too have goggled "birthday depsression" as today is my birthday. I have been grumpy the last few days and crying today. I feel so low, so useless and feel unworthy of any attention. Although I don't wish this on anyone, I'm glad I'm not alone. I turned 43 today. My daughter was 13 a week ago. Naturally a made a big fuss about her special day with several parties and family gatherings, cakes, sleepover, presents etc. Today I tried to stop my FACEBOOK announcing my birthday, but I couldn't. I hate it when all my online "friends" who I never have any contact with are suddenly wishing me a happy birthday on facebook- I'm sure they feel obliged to do it. My daughter forgot it was my birthday, but later remembered and sang happy birthday. I deliberately didn't answer the phone when I knew it was family calling. "Happy birthday, catch up soon"- meaning, we are just saying happy birthday cos we have to but have no intention to actually do anything for you. I feel so useless and alone, Like I don't deserve a fuss, yet I also feel upset that no-one makes a fuss. My parents did get me a cool present- and even though I loved it- I feel like I didn't deserve it. I lost the plot tonight and growled up my 13 year old for being a selfish kid for not even making me a card or buying me a $2 present. I now feel terrible that I had said the horrible things I did. She's only 13! It's so weird, I want a big birthday fuss- but don't feel deserving of it. It's like I can't be pleased either way. I feel like a failure, I feel pain and loss - particually today wheb I realise I'm getting older and still single, still struglling, still broke, still don't have the friends I want- yet I'm sure outwardly people look up to me and think I'm great- which makes me more depressed- cos if only they could see how pathetic I really am! But, I will keep reading and looking for help on here. Just good to know I'm not toally nutty and crazy and that others are going through this to.
    Happy Birthday and BIG hugs to all who come across this. I hope it helps knowing that we all feel the same.

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    1. I understand and I feel for you. I also want to be simultaneously celebrated and ignored. Lowering my expectations for the day doesn't seem to help either. Underlying theme of disappointment. Stay strong.

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    2. I can totally relate to your post. You sound like a very giving person...you took the time to make your daughter's bday special for her...I don't say too much when my daughter calls last minute or her dad has to remind her and she's an adult. I'd just assume skip the day and go right to the day after so I don't have to deal with my bday blues. I'm glad to know I'm not alone, and this makes me feel better. I'll try to be good to myself tomorrow and just breath...Happy Birthday to Me! :)

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  19. Thanks for writing. Birthdays are a pain - lucky they're only once a year :-)

    One suggestion - take things into your own hands - treat yourself, plan something that you love, show yourself that you deserve a great birthday! Just an idea.

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  20. hi. its my birthday today. i feel so depressed. I should never expect. never ever.

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  21. Thanks for commenting. Hope the depression passes soon - please speak to someone if it doesn't.

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  22. Thanks for writing this. I have always hated my birthday. My dad always worked, or was away at a medical convention, and my brothers and sisters were "always busy". I have spent the majority of most of my birthdays alone. Last year my dad had a massive cardiac arrest- on- my 50th birthday. He was placed on life support and lasted 10 months after. We cared for him at home. I always had birthday depression before this, and this year, its even harder. I decided to celebrate my birthday on a different day. I'm just one of those people who always had something crappy happen on theier birthday. Heck, on the day I was born, my mom was in a car accident- I guess that set the precedent... Anyway, I'm the one who makes time for everyone, but it's never reciprocated. This year I'm making my own plans and if no one shows up, oh well. At any rate, I'm glad that birthday depression is normal. I have no children no husband. So, all I can do is make it special for me and do whatever I want. For a change!

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  23. Thanks for sharing this. Hope you get to do exactly what you want on the day - it's your birthday after all, so you should at least get to do it your way!

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  24. I didn't really think that this was that common, but it seems a lot of people get depressed on their birthday. Today I'm 52 and I'm definitely feeling blue. It seems as long as I can remember I've always tried to downplay this occasion, the question I can't get is why. I really don't mind getting older, I don't mind attention, I'm fond of receiving gifts, but for some reason always get bummed on my birthday. This year it's a lot worse for a couple of reasons, 1. my Dad passed a couple of months ago which really sucks and 1. my marriage isn't doing so well right now. I am usually the one who's 'strong' for everyone else so maybe my birthday just spawns my own person pity party...that's about the only reason I can think of.

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  25. Thanks for commenting - hope you feel better soon.

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  26. Hi - I, too, found this by Googling birthday depression. I have always had birthday blues as an adult. When I was a kid, my mom went all out. She would always throw a party with our friends, make a cake, there'd be presents and lots of hoopla about "your birthday!"

    When I started dating my now-husband, my birthday depression went into higher gear. One, I was getting older (my 30th birthday was really hard) and two, he's weird when it comes to presents/birthdays. He is a great guy in a lot of ways and I really love him. But he can also be self-centered and aloof ... he often doesn't want to come out of his own little world to plan things/do things for others. He will sometimes try hard but miss the mark and he will sometimes put off even thinking about the occasion until the day (not just with me, but with things like Mother's Day for his mom) and will just send an e-card at the last minute, out of obligation it seems.

    I turned 40 a few days ago, and it sucked. On the morning of my B-day, he sent me a lame free e-card with a note saying I could have an afternoon at a spa on him (meaning he would pay out of his own money, which we each have a little bit of each month). I would have been happy had be bought or sent me an actual gift certificate to a good spa, but one of my biggest pet peeves is "promised presents" that it then falls on the gift receiver to follow through on (because I doubt my hubby would). I have seen him do this with his relatives - wait until the last minute, panic, grab a card and jot a note of a promise of a present that he never follows through on.

    I read something online where someone had said her birthday depression was tied up in realizing how few truly close people she has in her life and how little those people truly "get" her, demonstrated by getting a gift or doing something that really hits the mark.

    To make matters worse, my 40th went downhill after the "present" with him apologizing and asking how he could "make it up to me" but not making any other gesture the whole day. I had planned a day trip to the beach and, on the way, we did an errand, which involved him buying something really expensive he wanted for himself (logistically, it just made sense for us to do that errand on my b-day even though he felt weird about it). I was sad all day and we ended up getting into a fight about his expensive purchase. He never did do any gesture like buying flowers or getting a dessert for me or anything the rest of the day.

    We did have a nice dinner by the beach, but then he got drunk and revealed something he had done (and lied to me about) that could have jeopardized his job. It made me so upset I almost wanted to split, which we have been talking about on and off for a few years, but we are in therapy and both want to stay together.

    It was the most horrible birthday I've ever had. I'm hoping something good will come of it as he is planning to get sober when he returns from his trip. I am still having trouble dealing with how crappy this birthday was. I feel like my life is in a shambles. I don't want much - just my husband's love and for him to understand my birthday depression, do a few low-key, thoughtful things that show he cares, cherishes me and "gets" me.

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  27. Hi Bluey,

    Thanks for commenting. Sorry to hear that your birthday sucked! So often the birthday can be a flashpoint for whatever else isn't working in our lives. Hope you can work these issues out with your husband.

    All the best

    Catherine

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  28. Its my birthday today and I have been sad since last night. And for people who live in africa, people don't really understand depressions. Decided to google to see if anyone else gets depressed on their birthdays. And I found this thread. Its been helpful. Atleast I realised am not alone.

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  29. Hi there,

    So glad you found the thread helpful - you are certainly not alone when it comes to birthday depression - hope it passes soon :)

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  30. My husband suffers deeply from birthday depression.....I have read all these blogs and I am shocked at how many people suffer from this! I believe in God and I know he can take away all these bad feelings, if we all will surrender them to him.....He has changed my life and I know He can change yours too! I pray for my husband and I want to send a prayer of love, hope, restoration, renewal, and revivement for each of your lives. I have faith that He can fill your hearts with true joy and will place the right people across your paths to help make a difference in your lives. Choose your hearts' desire, and then work to fulfill it. Do not give up!

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  31. I came to this site having typed birthday depression into google and honestly, I don't feel like any of the above apply to me. Every year, party, no party, celebrated, not celebrated, the entire day, I just feel sad and I honestly can't identify a cause. I'm sorry for the commenters whose lives aren't going as they hoped or aren't getting the attention they need. I just wonder how alone I am in just feeling sad for no apparent reason on this one day in particular.

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  32. Thanks for commenting. It's good to get different perspectives. Hopefully others can add comments about this.

    Perhaps I should also add something to the original blog entry as I've thought more about birthday depression since setting up the website. I think there is a 'garden variety' form of birthday depression that some people experience. Perhaps it's connected to all the mixed emotions of past birthdays as well as the fact that birthdays are very important in our society, but they don't always give us the chance to acknowledge changes taking place in our lives. There's a book that I found very helpful on this subject, Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes by William Bridges.

    I'm not sure if this applies to you - everyone's different - or that you need to do anything about this. Just acknowledging how you feel (as you're already doing) and giving yourself some space in the birthday to feel it is more than many people manage.

    All the best.

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  33. Tomorrow is my 33 bday and here I am, just sad and crying. And I just don't know why. My life isn't perfect but I don't think I am sad for any particular reason. It's something that just happens.
    I remember when I was a girl I was always excited for my bday, party or no party I was just happy. But as an adult I get the blues just before my birthday.
    The only thing that made me smile today is to know that I am not alone.
    Thanks for sharing your stories. I will cry a little bit more and will go to bed hoping to wake up tomorrow in a better mood to deal with my emotions.
    Happy birthday to me!.......not! :)

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  34. Thanks for sharing this, Anonymous. Hope the sadness passes soon - but you're right, you're certainly not alone : )

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  35. Tomorrow is my birthday, but I feel people are just disrespecting me. This morning I was tired of it, but instead of a conclusion my mom yelled at me instead. I don't know what say about, but that's the story :(

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  36. My birthday is on the 23rd of May and I will be turning 61 and for as long as I can remember when May rolls around I get into such a great depression that I'm not afraid to say that I get very emotional up to and including the day and I can't wait for 12:01 on May 24th because my birthday is over actually if I could I would go to bed on the 22nd and not wake up until the day after my birthday I think that might be a good choice thanks for listening

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  37. Today's my 18th birthday and I just woke up wanting things to be great but soon realized I have no friends and my family were too busy to hang out with me..I have "happy birthday!!!" comments on Facebook but it just doesn't help..I made my own cake my own birthday dinner and now I just want the day to end..

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  38. Thanks to the last two commenters - and sorry that you're feeling bad. Sometimes just giving yourself permission to feel sad is a help - hope the feelings pass. If not, please reach out and get help.

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  39. Birthday depression and just want to be alone. Get screamed at and told I'm rude. Unfortunately, it's forced on me. I guess everyone thinks it's their day.

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    1. Am sorry bout that ... happened to me too today .. they were planning a party and I refused it ! So everyone is angry at me ! Weird ,, this is my bday not theirs .. constant crying tho

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  40. If you are feeling sad on your birthday and are alone, go find a homeless shelter and serve breakfast or lunch.. When one of the hungry, down and out pass by and say thank you take a moment and thank yourself.. Just by being you.. By being born, by being there helping someone else you have validated that you are special.. You are important.. While I to have always been sad on my "special" day, I have found that I enjoy giving of myself more on that day...

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  41. I am usually quieter on my birthday but when it's someone near to me or my child , I am crying all the time, while I make the cake while I blow up balloons.....I just don't get it

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  42. Wow! I thought I was the only one who experiences this most every birthday since childhood! Yesterday was my birthday and I cried , yelled at God. I screamed and asked for answers! I'm sick of this stupid sadness on my birthday. Growing up birthdays were never a big deal. I was lucky when I got birthday cake. One year I was given a used bike. My family was working class poor. This is a great day now that my birthday is over!

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  43. Hello, tomorrow is my birthday and I was keen to read something decent about birthday sadness. I couldn't find anything in my language (I write from Brazil) but I'm thankful I found your blog. Being aware this happens to many people helps in a way. I feel very embarrassed when I am the centre of attentions. If no one remembers, it's even worse. I suppose I should do a lot more thinking until I find the reasons for that. This year I decided to celebrate. Yes, I couldn't resist the pressure and will go out with a bunch of friends. But I am celebrating today, the day before. By midnight I should be drunk. Let's see how this helps. Good luck to everyone out there.

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  44. I turned 27 Today, mother of three boys, single mom at that! I just feel with every birthday that comes it just gets worse! I'm scared of getting older, I'm scared of being alone being a single mom for the rest of my life.I see a lot of people that have friends and family around for there birthday, but I do not..its crazy
    I guess how you can do so much for so many people, but most of the time a lot of us are left with a different outcome..I should be thankful for having three beautiful boys that are healthy and alive.. What better present is there?? Maybe my expectations for my birthday are too high..but a call would've been nice..

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  45. Today is that day and for many years I ceased to celebrate because my parents had died and it was only really of importance to them. To me it's always been something that's been overlooked by friends and colleagues so I've learned not to have them so I don't feel upset when I'm forgotten.

    Now I've remarried and my husband insisted on celebrating, so he told his mother and sister ( sister sent flowers, mother sent a card which I mistakenly and very embarrassingly thought contained a gift voucher - not so nothing - flowers nice but I don't want to seem ungrateful...).

    I've done quite a bit on behalf of my mother in law so felt a bit snubbed and misled by the card as it was one from a voucher, hence embarassment. Didn't receive anything from her for Christmas this last year either. I'm OK to fix her blasted computers and give her an iPad, and be on call to solve various problems.

    Preferred it when I wasn't dragged into celebrating birthdays and when people simply forgot instead of raising up expectation and making me feel a fool.

    Don't feel like I want to go out this evening with my husband. Please don't wish me a happy birthday - I think that as soon as you've hit 21 that's it no more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am Feb 6th as well. I hope you find happiness, or find resolution. Maybe revolution? WTF?....whatever will pull us up from this shitstorm. My best to you!

      Delete
  46. Just celebrated my 54th birthday 4 days ago. I got my hair done and went to visit my daughter and my 4 week old first grandchild. My oldest daughter came after her workday and brought me flowers, chocolate and Starbucks Green Tea (and many hugs and kisses). The day was good, but I am spiraling into a very dark time since then. I visualize my self cutting my throat, or my wrists...I find myself taking inventory of the prescription drugs in my home and wondering if it would be enough to kill me. I have not looked at myself in the mirror for months. I have so much to live for, but I consider I am just a cancer to the people I love. I can honestly say I hate myself, for no good reason. I don't know what will help....I am sick and should be uplifted by the wonderful things in life, but I am not. I am too cowardly to take my life, but the daydreams of the image of me bleeding out will not leave me.

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  47. Thanks for all the recent comments. Anonymous of Feb 10, I 'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. This sounds as if could be something more than just birthday sadness. Can I suggest that you reach out to a friend, family member or GP -- someone who you can trust to listen and not judge? These feelings can be very powerful and sometimes it is good to have an objective opinion. You could also ring a support line, they are very non-judgemental and deal often with these kinds of feelings. The US line is 1800 273 8255. They are trained and you only need to share what you are comfortable with.

    All the best and keep in touch.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Ok, I'm 58 and this B-Day is really depressing me. I know life is hard, and I've made some dumb decisions (life should come with a manual), and I know I'm fit, fabulous, and funny, but my expectations don't match my reality. Time is running out,

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  49. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  50. Indeed, I also googled ¨birthday depression¨ and I read your post, to find out there are also people who don't feel that happy on their b-days. In 5 days is my birthday and I fear depression, as last year I suffered a nervous breakdown on my b.day. I don't know how to prevent it this year. You see, I have no real friends, I grew apart from my friends from high school and ever since then I haven't been able to nourish a true friendship , people are very self-centered, everyone minding their own business, so my b-day is an awful reminder that no one really cares about me, or the people I greet enthusiastically on their b-days don't reciprocate. My relatives don't care about me either, they call me every once in a while, and I lost my mum three years ago, she was the only one who really cared about giving me a nice present or some kind of celebration. Then my boyfriend hasn't never understood why to me my birthday is important, I wish he surprised me with an unexpected gift or gesture, but I know he never will, as he is very pragmatic, so maybe he will take me to a mall to buy me something later on, but deep in my heart I am wishing to something more magical. I am a very cheerful person and I would like to have a nice party with many people attending, and dancing, and nice b-day cake and gifts, and a lot of fb posts, but I know I won't be having any of that, as I am quite alone, except for a few people who will phone me.
    Last year, the thing that me break down was the fact that some people whom I was expecting to greet me on fb didn't, and also there was a power cut at home so I had planned to go out with my boyfriend and he didn't want to because he said there was fresh food on the fridge and he didn't want to leave the houe with the fridge not working, so that type of silly domestic argument made me collapse, as I wanted a very special day which didn't take place. So this year I am planning to hide my birthday date from my fb profile, so that I prevent collateral damage. What if the people I am expecting to send me a msg dont' ever write?? But at the same time, what if they do greet me and make me happy? So I am not sure how to go about this. I think that it is best to minimise the risk of being hurt. I think there are some mischievous people who profit from this type of day to hurt you. Well, I don't know why I am writing all this, I guess I need to vent this out. If I had enough money I would go on a mini-trip to the beach with my partner, but I don't have money, I don't have a job, which adds to the overall feeling of frustration.

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  51. I get sad on my birthday because my family doesn't put in any effort to get me anything and I don't have friends who are close enough to celebrate with. Birthdays leave me feeling unimportant and like people don't care about me.

    ReplyDelete


  52. Dr Aziegbe HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX GIRL FRIEND BACK TO ME. Am so happy to testify about a great spell caster that helped me when all hope was lost for me to unite with my ex girl friend that i love so much. Am from USA. i had a girl friend that love me so much but something terrible happen to our relationship one afternoon when her girl friend that was always trying to get to me was trying to force me to make love to her just because she was been jealous of her friend that i was dating and on the scene my girl friend just walk in and she thought we had something special doing together, i tried to explain things to her that her friend always do this when ever she is not with me and i always refuse her but i never told her because i did not want the both of them to be enemies to each other but she never believed me. She broke up with me. i was so confuse cos i cant live witout her one day i decided to contact a spell caster and i emailed him with his email Drossuva@gmail.com and he replied me so kindly and help me get back my lovely relationship that was already gone for a months. Am so happy and all thanks to the GREAT DR Aziegbe. that help me with his white love powers. If you have any kind of problem email him now for help with his email
    Drossuva@gmail.com or Drossuva@gmail.com if you are out there passing through any of this problems listed below:

    (1) If you want your ex back.
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    (4) You want women/men to run after you.
    (5) do you want to be pregnant.
    (6) You want to be rich.
    (7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8) If you need financial assistance.
    (9)Stop Divorce



    Email: Drossuva@gmail.com or his website: http://drossolution.webs.com/

    ReplyDelete
  53. Hi everyone, am sanjeeta yang, am from south hill,ohio, u.s.a. Have you just experience the wonders of Dr ehijie that have been spread on the internet and worldwide on how he marvelously helped people all over world to restored back their marriage and get back lost lovers,winning of lottery,care herpes, and also helping people get job and money spell.It was one beautiful day, when i contacted him after going through his testimonies from different countries. I told him about how my husband abandoned me about 8 months ago,and left home with all i had. Dr ehijie only told me to be happy, and have a rest of mind, that he will handle all in just 48 hours.He requested for my picture and that of my ex husband, and also told me to get some items which i did send all he need to him. After the second day,Stevens called me, i was just so shocked, i answered the call, and couldn't believe my ears, he was really pleading and begging me to forgive him and making promises on phone. He came home and i let him in and also took me to his bank and change all his details to mine and also got me a new car just for him to proof his love for me. I was so happy and called Dr clement and thanked him very much for his powerful spell. He only told me to share the good news all over the world and i did. If you need a genuine, powerful and real spell caster to help you in any problems that you are undergoing in your life you. Just contact this great man today via his private
    email: allmightbazulartemple@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  54. My name is Johnson Morgan , and I base in USA...My life is back!!!
    After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two
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    faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came
    across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster.
    Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back,
    some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other
    sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce
    and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was
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    her testimony she dropped Dr omoye e-mail address. After
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    ReplyDelete
  55. I never use to believe in lottery winning spell until i met Dr Destiny who help me to win the lottery number, This is a great testimony on how i won $100,000 in my play lottery in the mega million lottery jackpot , I took an advice from someone called Wilson the person who talked about this great voodoo spell caster called Dr Destiny the person placed a testimonies on a blog also on a face book saying how Dr Destiny helped him win the lottery by sending him the winning number i was curious and i thought it was all joke not until i contacted this spell caster to know for myself how this work cause i have spend a lot buying tickets and i never win. I contacted him and he told me the necessary thing that need to be done and i did it and he told me to wait for 2days and truly he gave me the winning numbers to play the lottery which i did, Can you believe my name was the first among winners. He told me (my son all i need you to do for me is make sure that you share this testimonies to others so that they can also win the lottery cause i do not have much time to spell on the internet) so that is why i am sharing this testimony with you that if you want to win the lottery this is the way online tips can not help you,, i will forever be grateful to you,Email him for your own winning lottery numbers,greatdestinylottohome@yahoo.com He alone have the winning numbers to win the lottery, Because he is a gifted human being who is fully blessed to help other who are in need, All you need to do is to contact this man and make your life easy and wealthy.is email address: greatdestinylottohome@yahoo.com For all your problems and pains to be over i win my game,

    ReplyDelete
  56. Tomorrow is my 16th birthday and my two best friends just called me and said that they haven't prepared or decided anything for the day and that they are just two of them so what two people could prepare anything. Basically they tried to say that i don't have much friends excluding them. And that thing just hurt me i don't know why , but when i started counting my friends i got better results and i was like yeah i do have friends but then i realized that they just didn't want to do anything special . that's okay!

    I just wanted to say that , on anyone's birthday if you could just give them a box of chocolates or a flower or just enough love, that thing , would be much better than anything else , just the love . That wouldn't cost much.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Another year older, crying and otherwise feeling awful on my birthday. I'm not doing anything this year - I'm ok with that - so why do I feel such guilt (and other emotions) when my family calls me up and seems disappointed that I'm just hanging out on my "special day", or wonders why I'm not going out to dinner, and "just wants me to be happy". I didn't always feel this way on my birthday. I can remember that once these days excited me, then I felt apathetic about them, and now I dread them. I've always struggled with underlying depression but feel like I've got that managed - something about birthdays though just makes me feel my worst though.

    ReplyDelete

  58. (A MUST READ TO EVERYONE, TESTIMONY OF HOW I GOT MY Ex BACK)
    CALL Dr OKIKA NOW FOR HELP TOO...+2348134367919'

    i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my wife amanda, i love her so much we have been married for 9 years now with two kids. when she went for a vacation in italy, she meant a man called antonio whom charm her with his beauty, she told me that she is no longer interested in the marriage any more. I was so confuse and seeking for help, i don't know what to do until I met my friend Miss Corte and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem
    before and introduce me to a man called Dr OKIKA who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 2days. Miss Corte ask me to contact Dr OKIKA. I contacted him to help me bring back my wife and he ask me not to worry about it that the Gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by two days he will re-unite me and my wife together. After two day my wife called and told me she is coming back to sought
    out things with me, I was surprise when I saw her and she started crying for forgiveness and that she never knew what came upon her that she will never leave me again or the kids. it was the spell that was cast on her that was working on her. Right now I am the happiest man on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my wife, you can contact Dr. OKIKA on any problem in this world, he is very nice, here is his contact Okikaspelltemple@hotmail.com or okikaspelltemple@gmail.com You can also contact him through his mobile: +2348134367919. He is the best spell caster.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Hi today's my birthday and i just recently found out about birthday sadness...im relived im not the only one who feels the same way....and thanls alot for the tips in coping they definitely helped

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agree completely....I'm glad we are not alone.

      Delete
  60. My name is Mary, and I base in CALIFORNIA, USA…My life is back!!! After 5 months of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called DR. Ade which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Marie ,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days,he is the answer to your problem.here's his contact:Email on adespelltemple@gmail.com,OR call his mobile number +2347057375409

    ReplyDelete
  61. This Melanie Bromey From United State of America. Am writing this article to appreciate the good work of Doctor Ebakor the great spell caster that helped me recently to bring back my HUSBAND that left me for another woman for no reason for the past 1 year. After seeing a post on the internet by Marina Panes from Las Vegas USA testifying of how she was helped by Doctor Ebakor. I also decided to contact him for help because i had no choice because all i wanted was for me to get my HUSBAND and happiness back. Am happy today that he helped me also and i can proudly say that my HUSBAND is now with me again and he is now in love with me like never before. Are you in need of any help in your relationship like getting back your
    man, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, winning of lotteries, herbal cure for sickness or job promotion E.T.C. Viewers reading my post that needs the help of Doctor Ebakor should contact him now on his E-mail: Doctorebakorspelltemple@hotmail.com or call me on (603)-567-4715 if you want to know more about Doctor Ebakor.

    ReplyDelete
  62. This Melanie Bromey From United State of America. Am writing this article to appreciate the good work of Doctor Ebakor the great spell caster that helped me recently to bring back my HUSBAND that left me for another woman for no reason for the past 1 year. After seeing a post on the internet by Marina Panes from Las Vegas USA testifying of how she was helped by Doctor Ebakor. I also decided to contact him for help because i had no choice because all i wanted was for me to get my HUSBAND and happiness back. Am happy today that he helped me also and i can proudly say that my HUSBAND is now with me again and he is now in love with me like never before. Are you in need of any help in your relationship like getting back your man, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, winning of lotteries, herbal cure for sickness or job promotion E.T.C. Viewers reading my post that needs the help of Doctor Ebakor should contact him now on his E-mail: Doctorebakorspelltemple@hotmail.com or call me on (603)-567-4715 if you want to know more about Doctor Ebakor.

    ReplyDelete
  63. my husband broke up with me about two weeks ago, he didn't give me a reason why, he just told me that he wanted to be honest and that he didn't love me any more, I loved him so much but he does is to travel with different girls to unknown destination, I was all over the internet trying to find who could help me out with my situation but no results at all or little signs, I was about to give up, then luckily i found robinsonbuckler@ yahoo. com in the internet, that this spell helped a woman who had the same issue as mine, when i contacted Mr Robinson , he said he will help me and just as he said, I received a call from my husband begging to reunite with me again, i accepted him and things really changed he stopped his bad habit, We came back together and I was astounded because so many say they are the best but can't back it. but Mr Robinson buckler really surprised me with his spell,if you need his help call or text his mobile number +1 971-512-6745

    ReplyDelete
  64. My birthday is in 2 days. I have started to feel bad, and I come across your blog. I have never encounter someone who experiences this. So finding you and the other commenters is a relieve. Thank you. I prefer to stay in, if I talk to someone or go out I end up being questioned or pointed out as drama queen. So, yeah if you stay in avoid social networks that only triggers the sadness. If you don't enjoy birthday calls, shut down your phone and do something fun, cooking, reading, watching tv.

    ReplyDelete
  65. When I eventually found testimonies about this spell caster Dr.Okika, how he helped many people to get their lover back, i contacted him through his email address OKIKASPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM because I was absolutely desperate to get my husband back. Life without my husband was a real mess for me and my children. i wanted a dramatic change and I thought magic could be the solution. After discussing the resolution with dr.Okika, he gave me hope that he will restore my marriage. I felt confident that he will actually make my husband to return home and he did! It’s fantastic what Dr. Okika have done for me. his help is priceless! I don't know what I would have done without dr okika, dr okika does his job so well he is organized and highly functional, i believe he is the best spell caster i can count on when it comes to love spell, I was floored that his spells worked, if you need help, call him at +2348134367919 or Email (OKIKASPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM or OKIKASPELLTEMPLE@YAHOO.COM)

    ReplyDelete
  66. I decided to create time for myself to enable me thank this great man that made the restoration of my relationship a success, Let me start by introducing myself, I am stella from CALIFORNIA and i came to this site with one purpose on my mind which is to thank the great man that restored my relationship called Dr.Ade within the space of 48 hours. I must say that since the help of this great man my relationship has been on a safer edge.. This is the reason why i want other people out there to have a taste of Dr.Ade's power.He is the man that will bring happiness to you, The best way to contact Dr.Ade are +2347057375409 or email him on Adespelltemple@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  67. I decided to create time for myself to enable me thank this great man that made the restoration of my relationship a success, Let me start by introducing myself, I am stella from CALIFORNIA and i came to this site with one purpose on my mind which is to thank the great man that restored my relationship called Dr.Ade within the space of 48 hours. I must say that since the help of this great man my relationship has been on a safer edge.. This is the reason why i want other people out there to have a taste of Dr.Ade's power.He is the man that will bring happiness to you, The best way to contact Dr.Ade are +2347057375409 or email him on Adespelltemple@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  68. After being in relationship with him for 3 years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the other ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, lotto, his email is DRAISEDIONSPELLCASTER@OUTLOOK.COM you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any other problem like wining lottery.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Hi Priest Omar, How are you? I do hope you are doing fine? I have been in Las Vegas for the weekend, and it was great thanks to you. we indeed got showered with money after the MONEY spell you cast on me and my husband. I went home with 2,000 and you are not going to believe it, immediately after the money spell you did cast for me, i won 348,300$. Its such a relief, we have already called the collection agencies this morning and we will take care of our debts immediately. This is the most important thing.. I have also mailed a cheque to you just to show you our appreciation. I am so very happy sir. i am planning a vacation for the two of us during out annual leave. This money shower saved us and we are so glad we have found you. we will be going back to Vegas in a week or two and i will definitely let you know what happens. thank you so much, you deserve a lot of respect and appreciation for what you are doing, and may God bless you and your family forever. Email: victorywhitemagicspell@outlook.com. +1 863) 274-3763. Website: http://victorywhitemagicspell.webs.com.

    ReplyDelete
  70. After being in relationship with him for 3 years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the other ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, lotto, his email is DRAISEDIONSPELLCASTER@OUTLOOK.COM you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any other problem like wining lottery.

    ReplyDelete